I’ve spent a lot of time in stale, sterile hospitals as I’ve embraced my role as a “sandwich generation” caregiver in recent years. I know that I’m not alone because a recent Pew Research Center study has shown that almost half of all Americans ages 40-60 are still raising a child at home while helping to care for a parent 65 or older. My 82-year old mom is now two years in remission after a grueling treatment for throat cancer in 2013 and I’ve spent hundreds of hours at MDAnderson with her these past few years.
If you follow me on Facebook, you know that my mom spent several days in the hospital last week with some heart issues. She is home and feeling much better now. She is preparing to have surgery to repair a blocked carotid artery in a few weeks. (I appreciated all of the messages, e-mails and texts checking on her – and on me. Thank you!)
At some time or another, we all will find ourselves spending long hours in the ER or a hospital with a loved one. Whether it’s with a child, a partner, a parent, a grandparent or other family member, unfortunately life brings opportunities to seek medical care and assistance. And thank goodness for the talented people who work in medicine to help our loved ones and/or ourselves.
It is critical, however, to ramp up your self-care during these times. The physical, mental and emotional toll that being in a hospital environment can take on you is not to be underestimated! Last week, I spent three 8-hour days at the hospital and was completely wiped out by the time I got home each night.
Here are some tips to help you navigate the long days at the hospital:
1. Bring your own food. Eating last night’s leftovers (warmed up in the nurse’s lounge microwave) is far more satisfying – and sustaining for you – than almost anything the hospital is likely to serve. Or stop by the grocery store on your way to the hospital and pick up a fresh salad or some sushi. And snacks. Bring plenty of snacks or you’ll end up eating way too many bags of popcorn (not that I know from experience! LOL!).
2. Step outside several times during the day. Most medical facilities have learned to build green spaces into their environments. And if there aren’t a lot of trees or grass, at least there might be a water fountain and some nice benches for sitting outside in the fresh air. Every time my mom went for another test, I’d dash downstairs and walk around the building, then I’d sit in the courtyard and listen to the fountain and feel the sun on my face. It’s a quick and easy way to recharge before heading back inside.
3. Befriend the nurses. These people can make or break your experience in the hospital, let me tell you! 48 hours into my mom’s recent hospital stay, we still didn’t have any answers. I was getting angry and frustrated but we were waiting on the surgeon to arrive. I kept breathing and praying to help keep myself in check. I joked with the nurses about “packing my boxing gloves in my purse” and told them “just tell me when I need to pull them out” and they got a good laugh out of it. Once the surgeon arrived and we had a game plan, I relaxed – and I realized that my mom’s nurses did, too. They get worried about their patients and also appreciated having a plan of care in place.
4. A sense of humor is a powerful ally. If you are going to be stuck there, you might as well have some fun. Last week, my mom was preparing to have an MRI of her brain. (Sounds a little scary, eh?) She had to fill out a questionnaire beforehand and one item asked “in your own words, why is your doctor ordering this test?” Her response was “To make sure I’m not losing my mind!” I said “Mom! You don’t really want me to write that, do you?” and she grinned and said “Sure, why not!” I’m sure the techs reading the paperwork got a good chuckle out of it.
5. Ask clarifying questions. Often. New information comes in all of the time so it’s OK to repeat yourself. Also, medical personnel speak a different language from the rest of the world and if you don’t understand something, ask them to repeat it or explain it using different words so that both you and your loved one can understand what they are saying.
6. Bookend your time at the hospital with things and people that you love. When I got home after the second long day with my mother, my 4 year old daughter had received a Halloween care package in the mail from one of her other grandmothers. She immediately wanted me to get crafty with her. And I had zero interest. But, I made myself sit down with her and I’m so glad I did. She needed the gift of my presence and I needed the gift of hers. We laughed and giggled as we put together little bats, cats and spiders in honor of Halloween and doing something kinesthetic was the perfect transition for me into home life.
7. Ask for help. Because my daughter is only in school for 5 hours a day, I had to get creative with her care while I was needed at the hospital with my mom. I pieced together some afterschool care, asked my husband to come home from work early a few days and called a girlfriend who was willing to watch Riley for a little bit while my husband and I did a “changing of the guards”. It’s not always easy to ask for help, yet I know that I’m happy to help a friend in their time of need so I trust that what comes around goes around.
I hope you won’t need to use these tips anytime soon, but maybe you know someone who is dealing with long and grueling hospital visits right now. I’d encourage you to forward this article to them with love. And if you ever find yourself in this situation, simply come back to the blog and you’ll find the information there.
Here’s to smart self-care… even when you’re at the hospital!
Elizabeth