By most accounts, people are ready for 2020 to be over. Now that the U.S. election is behind us, some people are ready to turn their attention to the holidays and have something different to focus on.
I usually love this time of year. I love fall, I love Thanksgiving, I love cherished family traditions at Christmas.
But this year is different.
My husband is living in Houston until late December, our house in North Carolina is still half in boxes, and our biennial family gathering at Christmas has been cancelled for the first-time ever, due to COVID. My daughter is missing her Daddy fiercely and is so very sad to miss out on seeing her cousins and grandmother this holiday season.
But does that mean I’m throwing in the towel and just want to flip the calendar to January 1st, 2021?
No! Not yet.
There are still plenty of opportunities to have meaningful connections with family and friends. But this year, it might look a little different, that’s all. (More Zoom calls. Smaller circles. Selfies wearing masks.)
I know I’m not alone. I have been having conversations with friends and clients about how their holidays will be changing this year as well. Large family gatherings are being cancelled, travel is seriously restricted and many just aren’t in the spirit of things this year.
There has been a lot of confusion, overwhelm, and uncertainty about what are the best decisions to make. And there has been frustration, disappointment, and even anger when family members disagree about the right way to move forward.
This is a great time for all of us to be reminded about the wonderful wisdom that Don Miguel Ruiz shares in his spiritual classic, The Four Agreements. I’ve mentioned this book before (along with several other favorite personal development books) and if you haven’t read it yet, I suggested getting it immediately! If you apply even one or two of these principles to your life, it will help you to be more peaceful, joyful and sane in the coming weeks.
Here are The Four Agreements (from the inside flap of the book):
- Be impeccable with your word. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
- Don’t take anything personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
- Don’t make assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
- Always do your best. Your best is going to change from moment-to-moment. It will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.
Which one of these speaks most loudly to you right now and why? Leave a comment and let me know! I love hearing from you!
Elizabeth
P.S. I think for me, the agreement I need to remember most is “Always do your best.” Due to the transition of a cross-country move, alternative schooling, additions to my business (more info soon!), and living in two households for several months, I’m feeling a bit stretched. Overall, we’re doing just fine, but if my house doesn’t get decorated for Christmas or I don’t prepare a lot of home-cooked meals or host a holiday get together, it’s going to be just fine. What about you?
2 comments
Don’t make assumptions. I have grown children as well as a little. I very rarely hear from my grown kids. I do alot for them and never forget the Grandkids, but I assume they don’t contact me because they don’t like me. Crazy, huh? I’ve already made 2 visits to my daughter and I was done . I think I’ll visit again today. And really start the conversation with love. Thanks for your post!
Linda, thank you for sharing. I remember when my mom was still living and I was overwhelmed with parenting, my business, my husband traveling, etc. I thought seeing her occasionally was enough but finally one day she said to me “I’d like to spend more time with you. I know you’re busy, but could we plan something regularly?” and I paid attention. I was caught up in my own world, not realizing she was craving connection. After that, I made a point to reach out more. I hope you can have an honest and loving conversation that will open up pathways for connection. Blessings to you – E.