I’ve attended too many funerals recently.
Barely more than a year ago, I wrote an article called The Power of Presence a few days after we attended our friends’ 4 year old son’s funeral. Connor was a friend of Riley’s and had a rare form of brain cancer called DIPG.
The concept of presence and showing up is fresh on my mind again because sadly, last week, I flew to Florida to attend the funeral of my 33 year old cousin, Johnny. He was the son of my beloved first cousin, Diana, and was an all-around great guy. Married with a 16 month old baby boy, Johnny was loving, caring and devoted to his family. He served in the United States Air Force for 10 years and was a proud veteran.
As painful as it was to be celebrating the life of someone who died too young, it was heartwarming to see how many people attended his funeral and paid tribute to his life and legacy. I had quality time with my cousins Diana and John and their daughter Cassie as well as dozens of extended family members I hadn’t seen in a long time.
I’m so glad that I went. To honor Johnny. To be a support to Diana, John and Cassie. To connect with other family and friends who knew and loved him.
To get there, I had to travel on my birthday. Which, at my age, isn’t such a big deal. But my 5 year old daughter was really upset the morning that I left.
“But Mooooooooom! It’s your birthday! You can’t be gone on your birthday!”
I assured her that we would celebrate when I returned but that did not allay her concerns.
Then I tried to explain to her “Honey, when big important things happen, it matters that we SHOW UP for the people we love.”
I went on to say “Do you remember Grandma’s funeral? Do you remember all of the people who attended and told us that they love us and care about us and that they were sad with us?” and she nodded affirmatively.
I said “That’s why I’m going. It’s my turn to do this for them. They showed up for me and now I’m showing up for them.”
While I’m grateful I was able to make that trip last week, of course you can’t always…
- Make it to the funeral
- Attend the wedding
- Get to the family reunion
- Show up at the anniversary party
- Visit a sick loved one
- Attend the graduation
- Get there in time for the birth of the baby
Time, money, distance and life commitments often prevent us from showing up in person, even if that’s what we would most want to do.
But there are other ways to SHOW UP if you can’t make it in person to an important event … If you want to see the amazing things that people did for us a few months ago when my mom died and get inspiration for how you can show up for someone you love, I wrote about it here.
Showing up and being present is one of the most important things we can do for the people we love. It’s about making love visible by making it tangible and real. We all know that actions speak louder than words. When you show up, you are being a witness to others at a time of big transition- whether it’s celebrating one of life’s milestones or grieving the loss of a beloved.
Where will it matter if you SHOW UP today, this month, this year?
Elizabeth