After spending two weeks as the primary caregiver to my mother in the hospital, I’ve recently had to put my own advice into action. Being in the sandwich generation can be exhausting. I have a 5 year old daughter and an ailing 82 year old mother. I’m usually pretty good at practicing self-care but during times of extreme emotional and physical stress, I’ve had to determine my top self-care priorities as I’ve tried to balance everything.
For me, the top three self-care priorities are: Sleep (7-8 hours/night), dinner with my husband and daughter every night (with a few exceptions) and exercise (30 minutes of walking the dog every other day). Oh, and I still do my 10-15 minutes of yoga stretching each morning when I first wake up.
Most of my other self-care activities have fallen by the wayside. Time with friends, journaling, meditation, eating really well (I’ve done well about 85% of the time but I’ve had a few days of way too much chocolate!) and other practices have been put on the back burner to be resumed when I have the time, space and energy.
As friends, clients and colleagues write me notes on Facebook saying things like “Remember to take care of yourself, too!” I’ve had time to ponder the following back to basics self-care reminders and some famous quotes that support those ideas. I hope some of these help you, too, no matter if your life is really stressful right now or if things are flowing pretty well or you’re somewhere in between!
1. Love Yourself.
“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection” – Buddha
I can be at the hospital every day to support my mom but I don’t have to sacrifice the rest of my life to help her. At the beginning, I was there 8 hours/day and now it’s down to 6 hours/day… once we move her to skilled nursing, I hope to decrease it even more. I have to love me and care for me so that I can love her and care for her.
2. Be Yourself.
“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” – Dr. Seuss
I have called my friends blubbering and crying. I have withdrawn from most social events. But I managed to pull off a 50th birthday celebration for my husband with some good friends which was fun, but I didn’t pretend everything was OK. I wasn’t moping and depressing, but I was honest about what is going on with me. They listened when appropriate but we still had a blast. Good friends get it and you don’t have to pretend with them.
3. Replenish your reserves.
“When the well’s dry, we know the worth of water.” – Benjamin Franklin
This is probably my favorite quote on this list. We cannot drink from a dry well. Or drive a car on an empty gas tank. And we have to put our oxygen mask on first before helping someone else on the airplane. Whatever metaphor you prefer, it’s essential to remember that you’re no good to anyone else if you aren’t taking care of you.
4. Be kind to yourself.
“Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love.” – Brené Brown
I especially have to remind myself on days where I might eat a peanut butter cookie at lunch, some chocolate in the afternoon and a cupcake after dinner. (It was a really stressful day and it’s just what was called for!) The next day was better. I knew that beating myself up wouldn’t help the situation so I simply resolved to do better the next day… and I did.
5. Take time to rest.
“Sabbath is an incubator for wisdom. When we allow the rush and pressure of our days to fall away, even for a short period of time, we are more able to discern the essential truth of what lies before us.” – Wayne Muller
Right now, my Sabbath time is about 15 minutes before I go to bed at night. I crawl into bed and make sure to review my gratitudes from the day…helpful nurses, a thoughtful friend, a funny thing my Mom said.
6. Slow down.
“There is more to life than merely increasing its speed.” – Ghandi
I’ve gotten crystal clear that this is sacred time with my mom. As a result, I’ve had to slow down some other projects in my life, mainly work related ones. When I look back on this time, I won’t care what my work projects were, but I’ll remember that I spent quality time with my mom.
7. It is essential to schedule “me time”.
“Women need solitude in order to find again the true essence of themselves.” – Anne Morrow Lindbergh
In the past two weeks, I’ve hardly had any time alone. My mom’s hospital room is a revolving door of doctors, nurses and therapists. At home, I want to spend time with my daughter and husband. So even though my husband has shouldered 90% of the parenting responsibilities the past few weeks, I asked him last week to take my daughter to church and I stayed home from both the church and the hospital just so I could have 2 hours at home by myself. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to recharge my batteries that morning and keep on going.
Revitalized Action: Which one of these self-care basics ring true for you? Do you have a favorite self-care quote? Tell me about it over on Facebook or send me an email…I’d love to hear what you have to share.
Here’s to water in your well!
Elizabeth