When I listen to women talk about themselves, I am often shocked and amazed by what they say.
I am so stupid! I’m lazy. I’m not a very good boss.
I am a total klutz. I’m unorganized.
I am such a mean mom. I’m not smart enough. I’m not good at…
The comments are usually said in passing and most often in jest but let me be clear… that does not matter!!!!!!
If you are saying these things out loud, then goodness knows what other negative self-deprecating commentary is lurking in the depths of your mind that you aren’t sharing with others but are thinking to yourself!
Would you say these things to your best friend?
Just imagine it…
“Hey BFF! You’re so stupid! You’re lazy! And you’re a mean mom!”
Oh my goodness, no. You’d never say that!
(Or if you did, I guarantee she wouldn’t be your BFF anymore!)
So why is it OK to talk negatively to yourself?
The truth is, it’s not OK.
Kindness begets kindness. If you want to invite kind people in to your life, you need to start by being kind to yourself.
Kindness is a gentle quality. It’s about being generous and considerate. It’s about looking out for and helping others. It’s also about being forgiving. Giving grace. Eliminating shoulds. Accepting what is.
Kindness – to self and others – is a critical element of embracing smart self-care.
If you believe in the Golden Rule (which I do) then you know that what you put out there in the world comes back to you. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Which means that it starts with you. If you are kind, caring, considerate and helpful to others, you will receive that in return. Looking for some creative ways to share more kindness in the world? Check out the Random Acts of Kindness Foundation for some great ideas.
Three easy ways to colonize your tribe with kind people…
1. Give yourself more grace, leeway and gentleness when you make a mistake or don’t accomplish something you wish you had. Let go of harsh words and thoughts directed at the self.
2. Spend more time with people who are kind and generous. Spend less time (or no time) with people who are negative or engage in gossip.
3. Catch yourself (and others) when you hear unkind words and invite a do-over! I’ll often ask “Is that really true? How can I (or you) state that more positively?”
Revitalized Action: Take a quick inventory of the people in your inner circle – both personally and professionally.
- Are they kind?
- Are they generous?
- Do you feel good spending time with them?
If there is anyone who doesn’t fit the bill most of the time (of course, we all have our bad days!), ask yourself why you are still in relationship with this person? If it’s a mean client and you own your own business, why are you still working with them? You can decide to fire them and create space for a kinder, more appreciative client to show up in your life. If it’s a family member, look at what you can do to set healthy boundaries so you are not subjected to their negative energy.
Be on the lookout for kindness and catch yourself in the act, too. It’s contagious! Tell me about it in the comments below.
Remember kindness starts with you!
Elizabeth