Women are amazing. They are smart, strong, adventuresome, spirited, wise, vulnerable, loving, entrepreneurial, resourceful, seekers, doers, nurturers.
Most women I know are awed by the other women around them.
But when it comes to looking within, it’s a different story.
In the past 15 years of coaching women, I’ve seen countless times the one consistent block to their growth and evolution – their own personal set of limiting beliefs.
“I’m not good enough,” or “I’m too fat/thin/unattractive,” or “I’m not the perfect _____________________ (wife, mother, daughter, boss, employee)”
Women are so hard on themselves and say things to themselves they would never utter aloud to another human being.
So why is it OK to berate and belittle ourselves?
The answer is: It is not.
There is no benefit to disparaging yourself other than perhaps it’s comfortable or familiar or is keeping you playing small in the big game of life.
As Marianne Williamson said “Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do.”
You are so good at believing in others.
How can you shine that light inward and start believing in yourself?
- Accept that you are a wonderful, perfectly imperfect human being. Right where you are. There may be room for improvement, but you’re pretty fabulous as you already are.
- Acknowledge your gifts, strengths and talents. Make a list. Know what you’re good at. We’re all good at something. When in doubt, keep an “I Rock” file for when people send you cards or notes and say nice things about you. Refer to it when you need a little confidence boost.
- Take responsibility for your actions. If you’re not in integrity with yourself, how can you be in integrity with anyone else? If you want to be healthier, eat better and exercise more. If you want to be smarter, take a class or find a mentor. Don’t just talk about making changes. Do it.
- Choose which messages you want to hear. Your best friend might say “I’m so glad you’re my workout buddy. We’re making progress”. Your mother might say “Looks like you’re gaining weight”. You know which to ditch. (Not the mother per se, but her message!)
- Recount your past accomplishments. When you’re at a place of indecision and uncertainty, look to past history where you’ve made good choices and succeeded. It will bolster your confidence.
- Look around you. Who loves you? Your parents, kids, parents, best friends, neighbors, clients, co-workers. Chances are pretty good they believe in you and your talents. And if they don’t, reevaluate your relationships. Life is too short to spend time with people who put you down and hold you back.
- Trust that you were put on this Earth for a reason. To love, to heal, to learn, to grow, to experience. It may not always make sense all of the time, but that’s OK. Living in the mystery can be an adventure!
Revitalizing Action: Write a letter to yourself focusing on all of your positive aspects. If this is hard for you, start by writing a letter to your child or your best friend and share all of their positive aspects. You’ll see how easy it is to share the love with someone else. Now turn that attention toward yourself. There now, that wasn’t so bad, was it?
Believe in yourself. There’s no greater investment.
Your children need you to. Your best friend needs you to.
And the world needs you to.
Elizabeth