April 7th marked two years since my birthmother Kathy died. Throughout the day, I texted with my siblings, thought of her often, and made a loving Facebook post in her memory—a beautiful way to honor her and connect with loved ones through our shared memories.
It was a regular workday, but I paused multiple times to reflect on the 24 years we had together after reunion and to give thanks for her presence in my life. My heart felt full.
But the next morning, I woke up at 4 am with a sore throat. By 6 am, I was flooded with anxiety, anger, and—once I allowed it to surface—rage.
I was scheduled to fly to Vermont for vacation the next day, and I knew I couldn’t ignore these emotions. If I didn’t tend to them, they would come with me, uninvited.
So, after I dropped my daughter at school, I canceled my morning appointments and gave myself the gift of space. I did what I always do when I need to process something big: I dropped to the floor and built a healing altar.
For nearly an hour, I let it all out. I screamed and cried about her untimely passing at 72. I raged over the loss of our shared future—she was supposed to travel with me, watch her grandkids graduate. I mourned the lost years of growing up apart from my brothers and sisters. I cried until there were no more tears.
Then I crawled into bed for ten minutes to reset my system. I took a shower. And with tenderness, I returned to my day.
This is part of my personal practice: building an impromptu altar and letting it hold me while I feel what I need to feel. Sometimes I sit for just 15 minutes. Other times, it’s hours. Occasionally, the altar remains for days, and I revisit it when called.
In my book, Sacred Celebrations: Designing Rituals to Navigate Life’s Milestone Transitions, I focus on creating rituals for connection and community. But there’s also a section about personal rituals—the small, soulful practices that help us navigate everyday emotions like grief, anxiety, and overwhelm.
Creating an altar is one of the most effective.
Rituals Are Sacred Containers for Healing
Here’s how to build a simple altar to tend to your own grief or big feelings:
1. Tune into yourself.
What are you feeling? Grief, anger, fear, anxiety? Do you need to cry, rage, pray, or simply sit in silence? Let your emotions guide you.
2. Choose a space.
Find a quiet corner of your home or office—somewhere you can sit comfortably and feel safe. It might be a spot on the floor, a shelf, your dresser, a windowsill, or a coffee table.
3. Gather meaningful items.
Close your eyes for a moment and ask: What will support me right now? Then gather a few items like:
- Candles
- Crystals
- Essential oils
- Photos
- Feathers
- A glass of water or spirits
- Flowers
- Small sacred objects (figurines, chimes, a rattle)
- Traditional offerings (tobacco, cornmeal, dried fruit)
Note: This doesn’t have to be elaborate. A single candle and a meaningful stone are enough. It’s your intention that matters most.
4. Build your altar intuitively.
Sit with your items and place them where they feel right. There’s no wrong way to do this. Let your heart lead.
5. Be with your altar.
Take a few deep breaths. Let the space hold you. Cry, pray, tone, sing, journal, or sit in silence. Allow your emotions to move through you and notice how you feel afterward.
Check in with Yourself
How are you really doing today? On a scale of 1-10, how heavy is your grief…or anxiety…or stress?
- Are you feeling the weight of the world lately?
- Have you lost someone you love?
- Are you navigating illness, uncertainty, or transition?
- Are you carrying the emotional labor of caring for others?
If so, you’re not alone. And you don’t have to hold it all by yourself.
Working with a professional—an intuitive coach and healer like me, a therapist, or engaging in practices like acupuncture, massage, or reiki—can be deeply supportive. And sometimes, what you really need is to remember that you are the wisest expert on YOU.
Slow down. Tune in. Tend to your tender parts.
Build an altar. And let yourself be held.
Reader’s Inspired Ritual
A reader recently sent me a note letting me know she was grieving the loss of a romantic relationship and that she created her own healing ritual using red roses and left them scattered at different locations where she had spent time with her beloved. It was a simple but intentional ritual to help her release the relationship but also honor what she learned about herself through the experience. There’s no one right way to do ritual! If you need inspiration and ideas for yourself or a friend, Sacred Celebrations makes a great gift book!