Free time? What’s that?
I can’t remember the last time I was alone with nothing to do…
I hardly EVER have “me time”…
When my coaching clients hire me to help them grow their business or possibly change their career, one of the first things that they share is that they feel overwhelmed, stressed, and burned out and they never have enough time for themselves.
They are so busy running their businesses, networking to make connections, serving their clients, managing employees, investing in their professional development…any leftover time they have, they want to spend it with their family. To maintain relationships, it is critical to invest quality time in them so these women identify their family and work relationships as primary and let all others go–including one of the most important relationships of all–their relationship with self!
If I have learned one thing in 15+ years in business, it is that if we do not take time to take care of ourselves, we do a poor job of relating with others. It’s really a simple equation.
No doubt you have heard the following adages: “You can’t drive a car on fumes,” “You can’t add water to an already overflowing glass,” or “You have to put your own oxygen mask on first before you can help the person next to you.”
This concept of self-care is not a new one. And yet, time and time again, I see women get stressed out, burned out and in some cases even sick before they realize that they have to take these sayings to heart. They are not just old wives tales. They are simple reminders of basic truths.
I believe there are three consistent themes that contribute to this lack of “me time”. Perhaps you will recognize one of these patterns in yourself (or in a friend or loved one that you care about). Hopefully by acknowledging these old patterns, you can take the first step in making some changes and claiming more “me time” in your life!
1. You don’t give yourself permission for it. Somewhere along the way, you got the message that it wasn’t OK for you to slow down, much less stop, and take care of yourself. Maybe you witnessed a parent, a big sister, a grandmother, a friend or respected mentor fall into this pattern of busy, busy, busy and go, go, go. Perhaps you were even shamed as a kid for burying your nose in a book or lying in the grass staring at the clouds instead of helping out with chores. Because others didn’t seem to have “permission” to stop and rest, you internalized the message that you didn’t have permission to take of yourself too. (Inspired Action: What if you wrote yourself a permission slip? What would you give yourself permission to do?)
2. You don’t prioritize it. A lot of successful professional women know intellectually that practicing smart self-care is essential for their success. They give it lip service and say “Yes I know I should be doing XYZ but…” It’s great to have awareness of the need to refill your cup and honestly, that is half the battle. But you have to follow through and take action for it to be effective. (Inspired Action: It starts with having a list, putting yourself on it, and then putting yourself in the top 3 of said list. Try it and watch what happens!)
3. You assume you are getting “me time”, but you really are not. When I coach my clients about taking time out to nurture themselves, I invite them to make a list of things that bring them joy, peace and a sense of well-being. Typically, things on that list include spending time in nature, attending a yoga or exercise class, reading a good novel, sleeping in, having an entire day alone, taking time for prayer and meditation. But when my clients actually evaluate how they are spending their time, they realize that they are engaging in activities that Jennifer Louden, one of my favorite self care gurus, calls “shadow comforts”-things like watching TV, drinking (too much) wine with friends, retail therapy and eating waaaaay too much chocolate. Those are all perfectly fine activities in moderation and can certainly help you relax. But they’re not really in the same category as what I would consider nourishing “me time.” (Inspired Action: Make a list of self-loving and self-nourishing activities. Pick one to add into your calendar in the next three days.
Revitalizing Action: Consider if one or more of these reasons may be holding you back from getting enough “me time”. Review the Inspired Actions above and choose one to be your project this week. Then send me an email and tell me about it!
Here’s to more “me time” for all of us!
Elizabeth