I was talking with my younger brother Nathan about his current life situation. In his late thirties, he’s a successful lighting director in the music industry, traveling the world with some famous musicians (Tyler Hubbard of Florida Georgia Line, Lyle Lovett and even Alicia Keys!). He also owns a home in his tiny rural hometown in New York that he is diligently renovating.
Commenting on the stark contrast between his eye-opening globetrotting adventures and the sweetness of small-town living, I inquired “So you’ve got roots, but you’re not rooted?” and he thought about it for a moment, shook his head in agreement and said “Yeah, that sounds about right.”
In that moment, I was simultaneously happy for him and feeling wistful for myself. I don’t have a place where I feel I have strong roots. Tendrils, perhaps. But not deep roots.
Recently, I made my first trip back to the rolling hills of the southern tier region of New York state where my biological parents grew up on neighboring farms in the 1950s and 1960s. While I’ve seen my family at various graduations, weddings, funerals and other gatherings in other states, I haven’t been to the land I come from in 15 years. I come from multiple generations of farmers on both sides of my ancestry.
As Nathan drove me back to the farm from the airport, I felt my shoulders relax and my breath slow down as the gentle rolling hills sped by. When we pulled into the driveway, the sky was big, the sun was setting and the hill smiled and embraced me with open arms. “Welcome” it seemed to say.
For a fleeting moment, I thought to myself, “This feels like home.”
Even though I’ve never lived there and probably only spent a sum total of three weeks over the past 26 years since I reunited with my biological family in 1999, it feels like a homecoming each time I visit. The land calls me. The area is very rural and Mother Nature’s beauty is spectacular in her simplicity. Gentle rolling hills, big wide-open skies, pastoral farms dotting the landscape.
When I first reconnected with my birthdad and his family, I’d drive up there from my then-home in Philly for long weekends. We would play with the kids all day (my eight siblings aged 3-17 when I first met them) and then sit out under the stars all night. We would put out lawn chairs up on the hill, grab blankets to keep us warm and talk in hushed tones until the wee hours of the morning, admiring the mystery of the vast universe that brought us together after decades apart.
Unfortunately, this visit was too cold and wet for us to sit out under the stars, but we did make different memories together. We visited the Corning Museum of Glass about an hour away which is the world’s largest space dedicated to the display of contemporary art and design in glass. The displays were gobsmacking to say the least and we toured the museum exclaiming “Wow!” and “Look at this!” for hours on end.
This visit had an extra layer of meaning for me. Growing up, my adopted dad worked for 30 years for Corning and my grandpa (my adopted mom’s foster dad) Lee Waterman was President of Corning for 8 years. He died when I was only 7. On a whim, I looked up his obituary in the New York Times and discovered that he was responsible for Corningware which became the leading cook and serve product line in the U.S. (I knew my grandpa was president of Corning but didn’t realize this level of impact he had on the world!)
After we visited the museum, we drove to Big Flats and found the childhood house I lived in from when I was first placed with my parents at 2 weeks old until I was 3. I have fleeting memories of the house, but I do remember my parents talking fondly about their time there.
That was home for me, too. My first home.
Coincidentally, that evening my sister Mari asked me about all the places that I’ve lived. She was surprised when I told her I’ve lived in 15 different cities and in 9 different states. (New York, New Jersey, Connecticut, Virginia, Delaware, North Carolina (4 cities), Georgia, Florida and Texas). Yes, I’ve done a lot of house blessing rituals!
I’ve had a lot of homes.
So now that I’m back in my beloved Asheville, the city I consider “my heart home,” I’ve been thinking a lot about this notion of home. While I’ve moved a lot and don’t necessarily have a “home base” from childhood like my brother Nathan and other siblings do, I don’t feel like I’m flapping in the wind either.
I feel like my notion of home is more like a patchwork quilt. It’s made up of all the places I’ve lived and loved. I consider Ridgefield, Connecticut my hometown because I lived there for 10 years and graduated high school there. And yet anytime I visit New England in general, I feel a sense of belonging. When I’m visiting with my biological family members, no matter where they live, I feel deeply connected. And of course, whenever I’m with my daughter Riley, I feel like I’m exactly where I belong. She represents love, goodness, joy, and hope.
Ultimately, I think “home” is about being comfortable in your own skin. Knowing that no matter where you are or who you are with, you can feel safe within yourself. That’s the real work of life, eh? (And if you’re not so sure you’re feeling at home with yourself, let’s explore that together.)
So, I leave you with some questions to ponder…
- What does home mean to you?
- Where do you feel most “at home”?
- Is “home” about the structure itself, the location (the land, the city, the state or country), the people or something else?
- How can you make a place feel more like “home”?
- Are you happy with the current home you live in?
- What changes might you want to make to your current home?
- Who are the people that feel like “home” to you?
- How can you feel more “at home” within yourself?
I invite you to have this conversation with your loved ones. Share these questions around the dinner table and see what shows up.
I’d be curious to hear what this stirs up for you. Send me a note with the subject line HOME!
I love hearing from you.
Elizabeth
P.S. I brought each of the women in my family a custom-made bracelet from my Sacred Celebrations line of jewelry and they loved them! If you are looking for meaningful hostess gifts, I hope you’ll check out the collection here! It’s also not too early to start shopping for Mother’s Day!
