In the Wake of Charleston, Why Self-Care Matters More Than Ever

>When the news broke about the hate crime in Charleston last week, I cried many tears, as undoubtedly millions of Americans did. I couldn’t tear myself away from the coverage (and I rarely watch the news) but this story felt important to be fully present with. 

I went for a walk the next morning and was talking to myself … you know, that inner dialog that feels like a ping-pong match in your head?  

My small self said “There are all of these big issues that need to be dealt with in the world. It makes my passion for teaching self-care to women seem so trite and trivial.”

 But my wise higher-self quickly piped up and said “Hey! Not so fast. Don’t you see the connection? The work you are doing is foundational work. It matters.”

It does?

There was a bit more pinging and ponging but I finally got it.

When we practice smart self-care, we learn to love ourselves a little more every day.

When we love ourselves more, we love others more.

When we love others more, we feel connected and part of a greater community.

When we are part of a community, we work harder to promote cooperation and collaboration.

When we collaborate, barriers are slowly dismantled, old patterns change and we contribute to a more peaceful world.

So, by deduction:

When we practice smart self-care, we contribute to a more peaceful world.

I get that I’m over simplifying this and it’s not this easy. AT ALL.

There are no easy answers at a time like this.  We are being called to look deep within our hearts and make changes today.

But if you’re like me, and you feel overwhelmed at the sheer magnitude of the problems in our world, and think it’s easier to just check out and “let someone else handle this”, let me invite you to ask yourself this one question:

What CAN I do?

For me, it starts with me. At home. With my family. With my friends. With my church.  With my colleagues. With my clients.

If you read my last two blog posts on kindness and on saying no to the crazymakers, you know that it all relates, right?

• Speak kindly to yourself and others. Don’t allow other people to be mean, rude or condescending.

• Seek out others who are positive, uplifting and inclusive. Stay away from people who are negative, oppressive or exclusive.

• Love yourself more. Love your neighbor more. Collaborate and cooperate. Support positive change. Contribute to a more peaceful world.
• Racism, sexism, classism, ableism, ageism and homophobia are not OK. You do not have to allow people in your inner circle who support these strategies for suppression. If you encounter someone who expresses one of these, speak up and confront them.

I invited comments on my Facebook page last week about how to talk to our children about Charleston and my friend Kelli King-Jackson shared this: “Teaching our children that hate is wrong is only part of our journey. We have to teach love by modeling it. We cannot love what we do not know. So as an adult, our kids need to see us building community across race, class, gender, nationality. It has to intentionally be how we live every day.”

The world is changing. People are waking up. Slowly, too slowly by many accounts. But in many ways it’s better than it was when my parents grew up. And we can consciously choose to make it better for our kids and for our grandchildren. It starts with us. It starts with you.

Continued prayers for the families of the victims in Charleston and for our entire nation…

Elizabeth