Just Say No to the Crazymakers!

Last week on my blog, I wrote about kindness. If you want to be surrounded by kind people, you have to start by being kind to yourself – in word and in deed.

But the world is a big place and you come in contact with a lot of different types of people. Co-workers. Neighbors. Fellow volunteers. Relatives. (Oh, the relatives!)

And some of them are unfortunately…crazymakers.

You know who I’m talking about, don’t you?

The ones who always have drama, a story to tell, something to complain about, someone to gossip about. They are also the ones who talk your ear off and then say “Oh, I gotta go! Bye!” before they ever ask about you and how you’re doing.

Julia Cameron writes about crazymakers in her classic book The Artist’s Way. “You know the type: charismatic but out of control, long on problems and short on solutions. Crazymakers are the kind of people who can take over your whole life.”

Which brings me to the point… you don’t have to let them take over your whole life.

You really don’t. You have the power of choice. 

We teach other people how to treat us and the sooner we learn how to set healthy boundaries with the people in our lives, the sooner we have a tribe filled with kind, generous, un-crazy people.

So lest you think that smart self-care is simply about getting an occasional massage, eating your broccoli and meditating ten minutes every day, let me set the record straight.

A critical part of smart self-care is creating a tribe that supports and uplifts you, always.

To accomplish this goal, you often have to release – or at least distance – yourself from those that no longer serve your highest good (and maybe they never did).

You don’t need cray-cray in your life, right?

To contain the crazymakers and neutralize the naysayers, start by setting healthy boundaries for yourself:

• Don’t listen to negative comments or hurtful remarks. Redirect the conversation whenever possible.

• When an inappropriate joke or remark is shared, speak up and say “that’s not funny.”

• Find your voice and say “Please don’t __________________ (talk like that, use that language, gossip, say unkind things, joke about that, interrupt, etc.)”

• If the offending behavior continues, walk away from the conversation.

• If the behavior is consistent and persistent, walk away from the relationship.

None of these things are necessarily easy to do in a society that teaches us to value being nice and polite above all else. But maintaining your values and integrity is more important than being “the nice girl”. You can still be kind and caring but firm and clear and distance (or extricate) yourself from a crazymaking relationship.

Know what you get as your rewards for taking this brave step?

1. More strength. You reclaim your power.

2. Peace of mind. You can relax because you addressed the situation (finally!)

3. Freedom.  No more worrying about what others think. What matters most is that you feel good about yourself.

4. More energy. You plugged the leaky drain in your gas tank.

5. Empowerment. You found your voice to speak your truth. (It feels good, doesn’t it?!)

Revitalized Action:  Take stock of your current relationships. Are there any crazymakers in your life? If so, what steps can you take starting today to distance yourself from their drain on your life?  Share your victories with me in the comments below!

Here’s to saying NO to the crazymakers!
Elizabeth