Here in the United States, we are entering “holiday season” and for those of us with little kids, it actually began a few weeks ago on Halloween. A quick peek at Wikipedia shows us there are more than 50 multinational festivals and holidays between October and December. Wow!
So many decisions have to be made…who to spend the holidays with, whether or not to travel, how much money to spend, should you take a few extra vacation days, working parents scramble to find “camp” options for kiddos, what to cook, who will clean…and the list goes on.
Then, layer on the real life issues of…the influence of grief and loss (death, divorce, or other loss), the polarization of politics (to discuss or not to discuss), general family tension and stress, balancing fun activities with the need to rest, kids out of school for TWO full weeks…you get the idea.
If you want more joy and less stress, I’m going to give you a simple tip to help you practice some self-care this holiday. It’s one of my favorite words ever. In fact, it’s a full sentence.
“No.”
Wait, what? You mean I can say “no” to things this holiday season? ABSOLUTELY! There are plenty of things over which you have control.
Here are four things you can say “no” to this holiday season:
1. Say NO to overindulgence regarding your health.
Holiday festivities, family gatherings, office parties, and school celebrations are all ripe opportunities for you to load up on foods that taste great but aren’t so good for you. There’s a big difference between treating yourself and gorging yourself. We live in a society where the mindset is “Oh, it’s the holidays. I’ll get back on track with my health after.” I don’t know about you, but I have had plenty of holiday seasons where, come January, I really regret the choices I made. Now that I’m older and wiser, I understand it’s just not worth it to eat foods and drink beverages which make me feel like crap. Will I have some pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving? Absolutely. But will I eat it with all the leftovers for four days after Thanksgiving? No. Not this year. Will I make a holiday dessert for my family at Christmas? Yes. But chances are good it will be healthier than years past (using fruit and natural sugars instead of all the refined stuff) and I’ll make just enough for us to enjoy, but not have a ton of leftovers. Exercise also gets neglected during the holidays due to travel schedules and a general air of “rest and relaxation.” Remember exercise is key to managing your stress levels—so if you plan to be around a lot of family for extended periods of time, you’re probably smart to go for that run each morning or get yourself to a yoga class whenever you can!
2. Say NO to excessive spending.
Too many gifts, activities, and travel can take a toll on your wallet. Talk honestly with your family and friends about how you’d like to be more mindful with your holiday spending this year. Set a budget and stick to it. Alternate the years that you travel to be with family or host a large gathering. If you have a large family, don’t buy presents for everyone but instead draw names and only buy for one person. Replace traditional gift giving with “consumable” gifts like food, movie theater passes, and concert tickets. Give “experiences” instead of “stuff” so you’re investing money in creating quality memories instead of junk which will be forgotten about or eventually thrown away. And of course, if there are kids in your household, encourage them to make gifts. Those are the most treasured ones of all. Don’t go broke just to keep up with the Joneses. Speaking of them…
3. Say NO to worrying what other people think about your decisions.
There’s a great book by Terry Cole-Whittaker What You Think of Me is None of My Business. The concept is true for everyday life and especially worth considering during the holidays. Now I understand this is difficult, especially when we’re talking about family gatherings. I was talking with one client the other day and she has three different families to visit during Thanksgiving and Christmas. She said it’s exhausting dragging her kids here and there, but they do it because they want to see everybody. Then I talked with another friend who lives on the East Coast but her family lives in South Dakota. She made the decision to go visit her family the week before Thanksgiving and requested they do an early family feast so she could participate. They happily obliged and she avoided the stress of traveling during a holiday week. If you have to say “no” to invitations or plans—even if they’re something you “usually” do, it’s OK. Do what’s best for you and you won’t regret it.
4. Say NO to tradition.
I admit that I am one of the biggest traditionalists around (thanks in part to my ESFJ Myers-Briggs type) but there are times when tradition just doesn’t serve. It can be exhausting doing the same thing year after year and sometimes it’s good to mix things up a bit. In 2016, my mom died in the fall before Thanksgiving. There was no way I was going to have a traditional Thanksgiving meal at my home without her. Instead, we made reservations at a new-to-us restaurant and I ordered lobster. I may have cried while I ate that lobster (because it was Mom’s favorite—I ordered it in honor of her!) but that’s how we got through our first holiday without Grandma. Maybe you used to always host a wild and crazy New Year’s Eve party, but now you have little kids at home. Instead, consider starting a new tradition and hosting a family-friendly New Year’s Eve party which ends by 8 PM!
Remember there are degrees of “No.” No may be clear and definitive or it might mean “I will do this, but not that.” It may mean “I need to share the load. Can you help?” Or you could make decisions to say “No, not this year, but yes, next year.” It’s all up to you. But I guarantee if you use the word “No” more generously this year with your holiday decision making, you’ll have a lot more JOY which is what the season is supposed to be about, right?
Let me know how the “Magic of No” is working in your life this holiday season…leave a comment.
Cheers!
Elizabeth
P.S. Look out for my emails with my Small Business Saturday offer on Saturday, November 30th! It’s a great time to gift yourself or your business with inspirational support and focused strategy as you prepare for a whole new decade in 2020. Let me be your guide!
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