I hear people say things like this all the time:
I’m not sure what to do.
I can’t make a decision.
I feel frozen.
I don’t know how to…
What if I make the wrong choice?
I’m scared about what will happen if…
I just need more time to think about it.
You might think that the main reason that people get stuck is because they struggle with making decisions.
But I think people don’t make clear decisions because they don’t want to decide in a vacuum.
I believe the number one reason that people stay stuck is because they don’t ask for help.
This issue is a persistent one among the majority of women that I meet which is what compels me to keep shining light on the subject.
I’ve written about the three main reasons we don’t like to ask for help and about the fact that it’s OK to not be perfect and “have it all together.” Then, I designed a quickie quiz to help you identify where you need help in your life.
We live in a culture that glorifies the Super Woman or the Lone Ranger. There tend to be assumptions of inner strength, courage, tenacity when someone succeeds—in business, in parenting, in life—on their own.
Yet the truth is, we are dependent beings. I exist because you exist. I thrive when you thrive. Humans are designed to be connected to one another. We are designed to help, support and love one another. We are designed to celebrate our successes together and to help pick each other up after we make a mistake or experience a failure.
So if you’re wrestling with an issue right now and you need support getting unstuck, here are three easy options.
- Ask a trusted friend. Sometimes all we need is someone to listen. Being witnessed is one of the greatest gifts we can give to one another. You can ask your friend to simply listen to you talk and/or you can invite your friend to offer suggestions, advice or encouragement to help you unravel your issue. For some people, speaking the challenge out loud takes the charge off of it and it doesn’t feel as big and scary which helps you to get unfrozen and start taking action toward resolution. Just last week I spent 15 minutes with a friend of a friend who’s interested in exploring the world of professional speaking. She’s not ready to hire a coach yet, but I was happy to share my experience and point her to some valuable resources on her journey. She left our call feeling inspired and with some clear action steps.
- Crowd source it. Social media is fabulous for this but you can also send an email or a text to a group of friends. “I’m not sure who can help, but here’s my dilemma… if you have suggestions, I’m all ears!” It really is that simple. Sometimes one small suggestion is exactly what you need to help you move forward with your next step. I see this often with families trying to eat healthier. Maybe they’ve gotten a new heath diagnosis so they are trying to change their diet to gluten free, keto, paleo, sugar free, vegetarian or whatever. Crowd sourcing is a great way to say “please share your ideas with me and help me get creative in the kitchen.”
- Hire a professional. Whether it’s a life and business coach, a consultant (think CPA, attorney, financial planner, etc.) or a therapist, having someone who specializes in your particular issue can be the fast track to getting unstuck. At the end of every coaching session, I always ask my clients what their “gems” are and they always have one and sometimes they list a bunch of them. It’s amazing how many next action steps can appear when you work with a dedicated coach!
Bottom line: Want to get unstuck? Ask for help! You’ll find the more that you do it, the easier it becomes. Life flows more effortlessly when we have our support systems in place.
If I can be of help in any way, you know where to find me! Or, leave a comment.
Elizabeth
P.S. Have you noticed that the children in your life are really good at asking for help? I find that when I’m around little people, they have no hesitation at saying “I can’t figure this out, can you please help?” I think they’re good at it because they innately understand the importance of connection and support from our peers. Pay attention to our kiddos…they are some of our greatest teachers!