I never thought about the concept of legacy before I became a parent. Life was lived in the now, engaging daily with the world around me, with my friends, family and clients and my environment. I was focused on making a difference in people’s day-to-day lives in really practical ways. As a coach, I live for the “a-ha” moments, the habit changes, the new perspectives that people glean through their personal development work.
Then I became a mom. At the ripe old age of 41! And my world was complete. I had no clue what I had been missing out on but once it was there–my beautiful daughter, my fulfilled yearning to be a mom, being in partnership with my husband, and shifting from “couple” to “family”–I felt whole and complete. But as my daughter grew and as I stepped into my new role as mother, I was faced with the question, “What kind of mother do I want to be?”
And that’s where I believe that legacy hit me over the head with a two-by-four and said “Wake up! Pay Attention! If you don’t get this right, you’ll screw this kid up for the rest of her life. Start putting money in her therapy fund NOW!”
Maya Angelou famously said “When we know better, we do better.” And part of knowing better and doing better is taking time to inventory where we’ve come from, observe what choices our parents and grandparents and great-grandparents made and decide what to keep from the past and what to change for the future. Many of our ancestors endured famine, poverty, abuse, neglect, bullying, the Depression, war. For some of our parents and for many of our grandparents, life was very hard. It was a struggle every single day to feed, clothe, and educate their families.
Life is different now for many of us and there are fewer worries about survival and more opportunities to invest in our emotional health and well-being. If children grow up with parents who model what it means to love yourself, to respect yourself, and to know your worth, those children are going to inherit self-loving and self-reflecting behaviors that are positive, nurturing, and supportive.
However, if children grow up with parents who constantly burn the candle at both ends, caretake for everyone else, never take time for themselves, and ultimately get sick because of it, those children learn that self-worth is linked to giving until it hurts and sacrificing self at all costs.
When you design your life with healthy intentions and Olympic-sized self-care strategies you reap the rewards in many ways. You have more energy, feel less stressed, feel more connected to your loved ones, and you create enough space in your life to do the things that matter most.
I once did a very informal poll on Facebook of my friends and asked the question, “What did you learn about self-care from your mother?”
About 75% of the responses were negative:
“My mom never took time for herself. She was always working.”
“She took care of everyone and everything and neglected herself.”
“She taught me that I should sacrifice what I needed and wanted in favor of what other people needed and wanted.”
I don’t know about you, but I sure don’t want MY daughter to learn those things from me. I want her to learn healthy habits.
I believe that children learn:
- The value of taking downtime to read, walk, exercise, and nap when life gets chaotic.
- How to be kind and generous by watching their parents witnessing their parents’ acts of kindness and generosity toward others.
- How to eat well and exercise if their parents demonstrate healthy habits.
- The importance of spiritual practices like prayer, meditation, and reading inspirational material.
- The power of gratitude to change a challenging day into a more positive one.
So, what do you want your legacy to be? For your kids, your nieces and nephews, your grandchildren, your cousins, your little neighbors next door. Think about the next generation as you go about your days. How can you be modeling happy, healthy habits for simple living in a complicated world? What do you need to change and let go of? And are you ready?
If you know you need to do an overhaul on this and want to look at this in the context of your relationship, your family, your business, or your community, book a session and let’s talk.
You’re worth investing in–and so is the next generation.
XO,
Elizabeth
P.S. Speaking of parenting and Moms in particular, Mother’s Day is coming soon. We’ve got some great gifts in the Sacred Celebrations store including gorgeous NEW bracelet designs (suns, spirals, flowers, and more in addition to our best-selling dragonflies!) and our Smart Self-Care for Busy Women Ritual Kit would make a GREAT gift for that busy mom in your life who’s juggling it all. Use Coupon Code ILOVEMOM to save 20% off your order until April 30th!
