I was talking with one of my best friends recently about how challenging holidays can sometimes be. We see relatives and loved ones that we don’t often spend time with. There can be a flurry of activity, and lots of different conversations happening. Often the topics stay on the surface. But real life happens in between those get togethers—big wins and deep losses—that we often don’t get to acknowledge in-person.
We both recalled significant events in years past where loved ones had recently died and when we gathered with extended relatives, no one acknowledged our personal losses out loud. They had happened months prior to the holiday gathering, and of course, the deaths had been acknowledged at the time of the funerals. Perhaps they were thinking about us, but they didn’t express it.
Walking into a celebratory gathering when you are in a deep grief state is never easy. Life does go on and you have to keep showing up. (Especially when there are children involved.)
But it sure is nice to be seen.
To be acknowledged.
To be witnessed.
For someone to simply say, “I see you. I see your pain. I see your struggle. I see your grief.”
The words don’t have to be complicated. “I realize this first holiday is hard for you right now. I am so sorry. I’m thinking about you. I love you. If you need anything, let me know.”
This Thanksgiving, I made a point to acknowledge the grief I knew my sister-in-law was feeling this holiday season as soon as I saw her. Her best friend died just two weeks before Thanksgiving and the grief was thick. I made sure to walk into the house with a sympathy card in hand and just gave her a big hug and said, “Thank you for hosting us even in the middle of your deep grief. I am so sorry for your pain.”
We talked for a few minutes about her beloved friend, about the funeral, about how her family was doing. I don’t know if it helped my sister-in-law (I certainly hope so) but I know that I felt better acknowledging her pain—here she was hosting our entire family while she was in the throes of deep grief. No easy feat. But hopefully being surrounded by other loved ones helped to ease her pain for a few hours.
And of course, all of that was on top of the grief we collectively carried as a family, our first holiday without our mother and stepdad who died in the spring. We siblings had a wonderful time together, but like many families at the holidays, it was an emotional rollercoaster. Perhaps you had that experience, too?
Conversely, it’s wonderful to be witnessed in times of joy, too! It’s why we invite our loved ones to weddings, birthdays, graduations, and book launch parties! 😊 We want to be seen and celebrated for reaching milestones, for exciting changes and for ending old chapters and beginning new ones!
My family made a point to really celebrate my new book this week. My firefighter brother-in-law had a great idea for some marketing photos (you’ll see the ones from my brothers soon if you follow me on Facebook and Instagram) using the caption “Real Men Read Sacred Celebrations” so he was the guinea pig for the photo shoot – turned out pretty great, don’t you think?
One of my favorite poems is called Friendship by David Whyte. In the final lines, he writes:
The ultimate touchstone of friendship is not improvement,
neither of the other nor of the self,
the ultimate touchstone is witness,
the privilege of having been seen by someone
and the equal privilege of being granted the
sight of the essence of another,
to have walked with them and to have believed in them,
and sometimes just to have accompanied
them for however brief a span,
on a journey impossible to accomplish alone.
So, this holiday season, I invite you to think intentionally about how you’d like to witness the important people in your life. Perhaps it’s sending a special letter, going out of your way to visit a loved one or maybe just scheduling time for a catch-up phone call. We all crave connection and we all crave being seen. Celebrate the good stuff and honor the hard stuff.
If giving gifts is one of the ways that you like to witness others, I’d love to be your “go-to gal” for meaningful and intentional gifts. You can buy the book on Amazon or put together a bundle on the Sacred Celebrations website.
For a friend navigating a divorce…choose a Rose Quartz bracelet (for self-love) + book
For a friend navigating a health challenge…choose the Self-Care Ritual Kit + amethyst bracelet (for healing) + book
For someone who’s just moved into a new home…choose the House Blessing Ritual Kit + Howlite bracelet (for calm and ease) + book
For someone dealing with grief…choose any onyx bracelet (for grief and grounding) + book
I see you and thank you for seeing me.
Elizabeth
P.S. If you’ve already bought my book, THANK YOU! I’d love, love, love a review on Amazon! Those reviews are critical for indie authors like me! Thank you!
