I realize that many of you will be reading this the day after the U.S. elections. It’s been a long and stressful campaign season and regardless of who won, I suspect that we ALL need some rest today. I hope today’s article inspires you to get the rest you crave–if not today, then in the coming days…
Last week I wrote an article sharing some quick tips on how to revitalize your day and I heard from a lot of you saying that these little reminders resonated for you. (Thank you for writing…I LOVE hearing from you!)
So this week I got a chance to practice my own advice and focus on one tip in particular.
Rest well and rest often.
(How about you? Is that something that you do really well? Not so much, eh?…Read on, then!)
The truth is, sleep has been elusive for me since April of this year. That’s when my mom had major surgery and her health took a drastic tailspin… and that was all before we found out that her cancer had returned (in June) and she died in September.
I’m normally an excellent sleeper. I protect my sleep like nobody’s business and I have several strategies that really help to ensure my sleep is good quality and long enough! But when I’m under stress, well, sleep gets sacrificed unfortunately. (Can you relate?)
There is just SO MUCH TO DO when a loved one dies, it feels like a never ending “to do” list. I keep checking things off the list but then I add new tasks to the bottom of the list. While I’ve taken pockets of time here and there to rest, I haven’t been as good about it as I would like to be.
A few weeks ago, my wise friend Joe came to visit. He is one of those friends that you can go a year without talking to, but as soon as you get together, it’s like you haven’t missed a beat.
In the 15 years that we’ve been friends, we’ve both been through several major life changes including marriage, divorce, death of our parents, and several moves.
We have seen each other through thick and thin so he’s one of those people whose opinions I trust implicitly. He knows me so well that he can call me on my bullsh*t. He sometimes pisses me off when he does it, but I know he’s right 99% of the time. (We all need friends like that, right?)
So when he was here visiting us in Houston, we spent a day exploring the Menil Collection, we meditated quietly at the fabulously zen Rothko Chapel and I introduced him to Houston’s best Greek food for lunch at Niko Niko’s! It was a peaceful and relaxing day and we hadn’t seen each other in several years so it was great to have lots of time to just catch up and talk.
As our day came to a close, he said to me , “You need to come do this, by yourself.”
And my knee-jerk (somewhat testy) response was “Why on earth would I do that?”
And he replied gently “You might actually get to spend some time with you.” He went on to remind me that while I’d been professing to have “downtime” in my schedule, the truth is that I was filling it with lunches and walks with friends or doing “fun” activities that weren’t work related – but they were still activity.
His invitation was for me to take some time to just BE. No doing allowed.
Hmmm.
Whenever someone encourages me to do something by myself, my immediate response is resistance. Spending time alone has never been at the top of my list. I’m an extrovert. I get my energy from being with other people so spending too much time alone feels draining to me.
However, my sweet friend knows me well. And I am still grieving. Life goes on but there are layers and layers of grief to process from my mom’s death. My stress level is still high and my energy level is still low. Rest well and rest often is really good advice I need to be following right about now (Don’t dish it out if you can’t take it, right?!). And he called me on it – he saw that I wasn’t walking my talk.
Having been the primary caretaker for both of his parents who passed away during the 15 years of our friendship, Joe knows what he’s talking about. He knows that it takes time, effort and attention to unravel and unwind from the stress of caring for a dying loved one. He also knows that the process is very personal. As much as it helps to talk through your grief (or your stress) with trusted loved ones or a counselor, it’s still a deeply private journey, one that needs to be taken alone.
Don’t you hate it when your friends are right? (grumble grumble)
So I took his advice. Last week, I blocked off a day and I went and meditated in the Rothko Chapel and then I spread out a blanket under a big beautiful granddaddy oak tree outside of the Menil Gallery. I packed myself a picnic lunch (complete with a Supergirl napkin so I could feel invicible!) and I brought some books and my journal and my Goddess cards and I simply gazed at the sky until it started to rain.
And you know what? I feel so much better. More grounded. More peaceful. More balanced. And I’ll be scheduling another day of rest sometime soon.
Yay me! And, um… thanks Joe. As much as it pains me to say it… You were right.
Revitalizing Action: Consider the following questions:
- What can you do to embrace the concept of Rest Well and Rest Often? Get more sleep? Delegate more tasks on your to-do list? Take a “mental health” day from work?
- Can you treat yourself to a day (or a few hours) and take yourself to a quiet place to simply rest and be? If so, where is that place for you? Pull out your calendar now and block off the time.
- Do you have a friend like Joe in your life? One who you can be straight with, even when it’s hard? If so, you may want to call up that friend and commit to spending some time together. They’re sure to give you some straight talk if you need it.
I’d love to hear how your plans for more REST are going. Drop me a line!
Here’s to more rest, for all of us!
Elizabeth