Here in North Carolina, summer is winding down, and we are in that transition period for a few weeks before fall officially arrives. I hope you had a good summer. Leave a comment and let me know your highlights! I love hearing from you.
I had a good summer with lots of time in the sunshine on a lake in Georgia, by the ocean in Maine, and at the beaches in North Carolina. I am grateful for the work that I do so I can prioritize time with friends and family during the slower summer months. And, I’m aware that I only have five more summers until my daughter heads off to college. That’s a sobering thought!
Another celebration is that this summer was a 100% improvement over last year, where I was sidelined after my car accident. healing from my concussion But there were many gifts that came from that time, especially a focus on the importance of being truly present each day.
I processed a lot of grief last year—as so many of us have done so for different reasons over the past few years, (You, too?)—and it’s been on my mind.
Little rituals that are not funerals are often the ones that help us get through hard times. Several stories have shown up in recent weeks and I thought I would share them with you for some inspiration on your own grief journey, whatever it is.
Four Mini-Rituals to Support Your Grief Journey
1. Honoring Milestone Anniversaries. The sweet man that I am dating (If you missed that announcement, read my FB post Dating After Divorce) had an especially tender day a few weeks ago. It would’ve been his 50th wedding anniversary with his first wife, but sadly she died when they were in their 40s. I sent him a bouquet of white roses and encouraged him to look at old photos and remember happy memories. When I called him that evening, he told me he was listening to some of their favorite tunes from the 1970s. He commented to me a few days later that he was grateful that I encouraged him to take extra time to immerse himself in reflection. He said it was helpful and healing. (He also leaves a light on in his house, or anywhere he is traveling, every night in honor of her—such a simple but powerful ritual of connection and remembrance all these years later.) Marking the passage of time matters.
2. Saying Good-bye Grief Ritual. In my local Asheville Mama’s Facebook group, a young woman poignantly asked for advice about how to spend time with her mother who is in her final weeks of life. Women shared beautiful stories of treasured time they spent with their parents before they passed. Here was my contribution:
“My heart goes out to you. Like many here, I am shedding tears remembering precious moments with both of my mothers before they died. My adoptive mom was living far away from all of her friends, because I had to care for her, so I notified all of her friends. They called, sent cards, and sent emails telling her how much they loved her.
When my biological mom passed away last year, my siblings and I asked her in the hospital who she wanted to see before she died…she gave us a list of 25 people. And for about four hours, she “held court” as her dear friends came by to say their goodbyes. Of course, we were all a blubbering mess, but when it was over, she was ready to die, and passed very peacefully with all four of us kids there. I cherished time with both mothers privately, but it was also important to honor that they had a massive circle of friends, who really needed closure too. Blessings to you as you navigate this journey. It isn’t easy. But it is sacred and an honor.”
3. Symbolic Nature Offerings. The one-year anniversary of the death of Todd Walker, beloved husband, father, and acupuncturist in our community was a few days ago. deeply moving and incredibly personal memorial celebration of life. So, this year, my high school best friend, Whitney (who was very close to Todd) and I went hiking together. We created a despacho (a mandala-like offering infused with prayers and blessings) made from natural materials including nuts, seeds, berries, cornmeal, leaves, and flowers. Todd was a lover of life, his family and friends, nature, and we undoubtedly felt his presence at our simple ritual.
4. Processing Recent Grief. One of my closest friends lost her father-in-law this summer. He had been sick for a while, so, in many ways, his passing was a relief for his family who had cared for him for a long time. But in talking to my girlfriend, it’s obvious that she is still struggling with that major loss in her life. She had a great relationship with her father-in-law. She also sees the pain that her husband and daughters are carrying because they miss their grandfather. I suggested to her that she go down to the river and take some white roses and release them into the water. This article outlines five ways you can process your grief in the moment.
Grief is everywhere. It is a part of life. And it doesn’t ever really go away. The adage “time heals” isn’t exactly accurate. I think it’s more that time changes things. Maybe softens them. Changes our perspective a little bit. I believe that the grief never truly goes away, but we simply learned to carry it differently.
I hope that a few of these stories serve as reminders to you about the small ways that you can honor and remember your loved ones.
If you have a special ritual that you’d like to share with me, please leave a comment. I love hearing your stories.
Don’t forget, for more ideas on rituals, in general, you can check out my book or give it as a gift to someone you know who could use some support.
Click here to buy Sacred Celebrations on Amazon.
Did you miss my Top 24 Books: Inspiring Reads for Creative Visionaries? Read the list here!
Still thinking about the Magical Mountain Retreat in October? Hurry! Two Spaces Remain!