As a “woman of a certain age” I’ve been seeing a lot of ads lately about peri-menopause and post-menopause and the importance of healthy eating, lifting weights, taking supplements, getting enough sleep, making sure you get in your 10,000 steps a day, etc.
But what is not being sold is something that is hard to buy…but is just as–if not even MORE important–for your health and wellbeing.
It’s community.
According to the Longevity Project (which I refer to in Chapter 4 of my book Sacred Celebrations) one of the top three factors in our longevity is having a supportive community of friends.
I don’t know about you, but I’d much rather hang out with my girlfriends than go lift weights at the gym three times a week. LOL (But I suppose the ideal situation is that you hang out with your girlfriends WHILE you are working out at the gym, right?)
Over the past few months, I’ve met several women who are single and new to the Asheville area. They’ve shared with me how lonely it can feel to be in a new city by yourself, and they’ve asked me for advice on places to go and groups to join.
Whether you’re living someplace new and seeking to plug in OR established in your city but are looking for fresh ways to connect, here’s what I’ve found actually works:
- Ask for recommendations about where to go and what to do. Think about who you know and like in your community–maybe it’s just your neighbor or the friendly clerk at the grocery store. Get curious and ask “where do you like to go for fun?”
- Don’t be afraid to say “Will you please invite me the next time you go _______________? I’d love to join you!” Sometimes people just need to be reminded to include others.
- Take action aligned with your personal interests. If you like to hike, check out a local hiking group. If you enjoy yoga, try attending a class at the Y or go to a one-day or weekend yoga retreat (there will be more time to interact and make connections with attendees). If you’re a business owner, check out your local Chamber and other local networking events. If you’re retired, consider joining a service group like Rotary, Kiwanis or Lions Club and help in your community. If you want to learn a new skill, take a pottery class or a dance class.
- Be the initiator. If you meet someone that you really like say “Hey, I know we just met, but would you like to meet up for a walk/go listen to music/attend this event with me?” People want desperately to connect but are often afraid of making the first move, even to build friendships.
- Join groups on social media. Most cities have multiple groups based on interests. There are moms’ groups and networking groups and foodie groups and hiking groups. Follow along and see what people are talking about and then show up at an event.
When I moved back to Asheville three years ago, I had a built-in community that made the transition easy-peasy. But I’ve also made a ton of new friends because the city changed a lot during the 15 years that I was living in Tallahassee, Houston, and Raleigh! I’ve made wonderful new friends and now have a nice mix of fresh-faced friends along with my soul sister friends who’ve seen me through thick and thin over the past 25 years.
Building community has mattered in my professional life, too. Since writing my next book about adoption reunions, I’ve made a bunch of new friends in the adoption community–both locally and nationally–and that has supported me immensely with my personal development as well as my professional pursuits as I expand my work to include adoption related coaching and speaking.
Give yourself permission to put community building on your calendar. Your future self (the one who’s still thriving at 85!) will thank you.