In recent weeks, I’ve given several speeches to women’s groups around the country…
- an architecture and engineering firm
- a professional association for women in health care
- a service organization for moms and their teenaged daughters
- a professional women’s networking group
One recent event organizer said,
“Oh my gosh! You were FANTASTIC! That was SUCH a great session!! It was clear that so much of what you said resonated with each person on the call and they wanted to chime in throughout. I appreciate your openness and felt it only deepened everyone’s investment and presence in the conversation. We look forward to having you back again in the future!” – Kelli Falardo, Women in Healthcare Mentorship Co-Chair
When possible, I enjoy keeping my speaking engagements interactive because I believe in the collective wisdom of the group experience. My message as a speaker mirrors the way I advise my coaching clients to build their self-care foundation.
The #1 strategy for self-care success? Use Your VOICE.
Listening to your inner voice AND speaking with your outer voice.
Trusting your wise intuition AND knowing when to reach out and ask for help.
Checking in with your mind, body & spirit AND knowing when to check in with your _______(partner, co-worker, boss, child, parent) and ask “How are you doing?”
Recognizing when you are struggling AND mustering the courage to seek assistance.
Seeing when others are encroaching on your space/energy/time AND speaking up to say please STOP.
We teach other people how to treat us.
And that comes from HOW DO I TREAT MYSELF?
Am I kind, compassionate, forgiving, gentle but firm, coaxing but not too harsh, expectant and celebratory?
Or am I judgmental, critical, mean, harsh, set unrealistic expectations, push hard all the time?
The next time you make a mistake and your negative self-talk chimes in with “You’re so stupid! How could you make such a big goof?” ask yourself if you’d talk to your best friend or a young child that way. If not, then chances are good you’re being too hard on yourself and it’s time to take a gentler, more loving approach.
We all need to give ourselves more grace these days and we need to tune in to the voices that can support us in living vibrant lives—listening to the whispers of our inner wise intuition and speaking up when we know it’s important to express a need.
Use your VOICE when you need to:
- Ask for help – At work, speak up in a team meeting or a private discussion with a colleague and identify specifically where you could use support. Making a specific request is more likely to guarantee receiving the help you need. Same thing is true at home. If you’ve been doing the lion’s share of the chores recently, host a family meeting and renegotiate the details of who’s washing dishes, who’s doing the laundry and who’s turn it is to take the trash out. In both scenarios, other people may not be aware that you are feeling overloaded so it’s important to exercise your voice.
- Set clear boundaries – With WFH (work from home) creating blurry lines between work/life balance, it’s important to maintain a regular schedule. If you’ve been complaining that people expect you to be available 24-7 to answer emails, simply stop answering emails after 5 pm. Include a line on your e-mail signature that says “Any emails received after 5 pm will be returned the next day.” At home, if your kids or partner are constantly interrupting you during the work day, set up a signal system that clearly communicates how to approach you. Green means it’s OK to walk in. Yellow means it’s OK to pop your head in and ask “Do you have a minute?” Red means Do Not Enter! The key in both of these scenarios is that you have to be consistent with your response and not overstep your own well-intentioned boundaries!
- Prioritize self-care – Remember it’s not only OK to put yourself first, it’s necessary for you to live a vibrant and healthy existence. Go for a morning run, take time to cook healthy meals, schedule time to read a book on your back deck. Invest in quality time with your partner, children and friends away from screens and away from the daily “to-do” lists. The chores and the work will always be there. Asking for what you need will help to refuel your gas tank when it’s running low.
One way I’d like to use my voice is to ask for your referrals. If you know of a corporation, professional association, non-profit or networking group that’s looking for a dynamic speaker to support their personal and professional development, I hope you’ll take a peek at my speaking topics and consider recommending me. I’d be so grateful!
How will you use your VOICE this week? Leave a comment and let me know so that I can cheer you on!
Elizabeth
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