A few days ago, I sat in a packed church for the funeral of my dear friend Christie. She was only 57 and she died of kidney cancer.
Hundreds of people showed up, a testament to how bright her light was. We’d worked together back in the mid-90s at UNC-Wilmington, been roommates for a few months in Milledgeville, GA, and she stood up as a bridesmaid at my first wedding. When that marriage surprisingly ended just a few years later, Christie was one of my biggest supporters.
She was famous for her snort-laugh (it’s in her obituary—that’s how famous!). She was a special ed teacher for decades, adored by everyone who crossed her path. And she was a single mom who adored her daughter, Grace. I watched Grace bravely get up in front of all of those people and talk about her amazing mama. There wasn’t a dry eye in the place.
Being in that church reminded me: it is a privilege to grow old. With any luck, I’ve got another 30-plus years left on this planet. Christie didn’t get that. So, I want to spend my time well. I want to play the long game, in her honor.
What do I mean by “the long game”?
It means looking at your life 5, 10, 20 years down the road with intentionality. What are your goals? Dreams? Desires? What’s on your bucket list?
I follow an Instagram gardening influencer, Nicole Burke, who’s about to have four kids in college at the same time. She’s been showing her audience exactly how she’s planning to pay for four kids, four years each. That’s the long game in action: not a single decision, but a dozen (or hundred!) small ones pointed in the same direction.
You don’t need four kids in college to need this kind of thinking. Chances are, there’s some part of your life right now where you’re due for the bigger picture view. Maybe it’s:
- Planning ahead for retirement
- Strengthening your relationship with your kids
- Building a business you want to see thriving in 5 or 10 years
- Remarrying and figuring out what you want to do differently this time
- A health journey—how you want to look and feel a year from now
- Remodeling your home
- Planning an anniversary trip or celebration
If any of those are calling to you, here’s where to start:
- Visualize what success looks like in this part of your life. What does it look like? Sound like? Taste like?
- Feel into it—do you want to feel happier, more peaceful, more free? Let yourself feel the version of you who’s already there.
- Brainstorm the habits that move you incrementally toward it.
- Enlist motivation—a podcast, a book, a friend who’s already done what you’re setting out to do.
- Be honest about your wiring. If you’re self-motivated, great. If not, get a coach or an accountability group. There’s no shame in needing structure.
Christie’s death is a hard reminder that none of us are promised the decades we’re planning for. That’s exactly why the people I work with don’t wait.
So, where in your life have you been waiting for someday? What would it look like to start playing the long game today, instead?
Comment and let me know—or book a coaching call today.
And…
I’ve been thinking about The Long Game concept because it’s also the name of my upcoming retreat for people impacted by adoption reunion, so please be sure to keep reading so you can share with a loved one, co-worker or friend…
This November 6-8, I’m co-facilitating a retreat called The Long Game: Navigating the Reunion Rollercoaster with Grace—for people in the adoption constellation who are consciously working to reconnect with genetic relatives. Reunion isn’t a single event. It’s not just the first phone call, or the first hug at the airport, or the first letter. For people building real relationships with the “familiar strangers” they’re related to, it’s a long-term project — one that asks for the same bigger-picture thinking as anything else on this list. Please share this with anyone you know who may benefit from building healthy, long-term relationships in reunion.
Retreat Details & Registration
