Twenty-five years is a long time for most anything…parenting a child into adulthood, being married to the same partner, living in just one house, staying in the same job or company or starting and growing a business.
Over two and a half decades, a lot of life is lived. There are new experiences, joyful celebrations, deep sorrows and an abundance of growth and evolution.
Last week, I celebrated 25 years of living in reunion with my biological family.
April 13, 1999 is the day that I discovered Kathy, my first/birth/biological mom, and called her within hours. The phone call only lasted for about twenty minutes but after I told her the details of when and where I was born, I said “I think I’m your daughter.”
After an interminably long time of complete silence on the other end of the phone (I thought she might have hung up on me) she exhaled and said “Wow. I’ve hoped and prayed this day would come!”
We spoke later that night for two hours on the phone and traded stories. Within days, we were trading photographs via snail mail. Two weeks later, I drove to Florida to meet her and my siblings for the first time.
In my journal, I wrote:
We all have defining moments that shape the course of our lives. This past weekend was one such moment for me. I will never be the same person that I was before I met Kathy and my siblings. My core values and beliefs are still the same, but my sense of self is different now. I am more complete – with answers to questions I’ve held on to for 29 years – things that other non-adopted persons take for granted.
April 13, 2023, twenty-four years after that first phone call, is the day that we buried her (and her beloved partner, Richard, who had died just two weeks prior). It was a standing room only dual memorial service for two people who were so very loved by their families and their community.
As I facilitated the service and delivered Kathy’s eulogy, I was filled with gratitude that I had spent almost half of my life in a relationship with her. One of the best pieces of advice we received when we were first reunited was to make memories together consciously and intentionally. We did just that.
For me, the last few weeks have been tender. The one-year anniversary of Kathy and Richard’s deaths, plus the twenty-five-year reunion celebration that was supposed to be a BIG event! We had discussed going on a cruise together to celebrate it (we had made big to-do’s out of our 10 year and 20-year reunion anniversaries) but never got the chance.
Instead, my thoughtful sister sent me the most spectacular flowers and heartfelt note. The tears that I had been holding back all week fell uncontrollably when I received her gorgeous gift.
Twenty-five of anything is an important milestone to reflect on. I’d invite you to consider your own life. What experiences have you had that have lasted for 25 years?
Grab your journal or talk with a trusted friend or loved one and reflect:
- What have I learned about myself during that time?
- What memorable experiences have I had?
- What challenges have I had to overcome?
- How do I want to continue to keep moving forward from here?
- Who was I when we began that journey 25 years ago? Who am I today?
Lastly, if you’re curious to read more along these lines, I have a few articles I’ve written over the years you might enjoy:
On grieving – written soon after Kathy died last year
On wholeness – what parts of your soul have been missing
On celebration – key benefits of honoring important milestones
On identity – thoughts about Riley’s reunion with her birthdad