I have been thinking a lot about the concept of “reunion” lately. Recently,
my birth mother and her husband came to visit us in Houston and in a few weeks, Kathy and I will celebrate 18 years of “living in reunion”.
To reunite means to come together after a period of separation. So to me, “living in reunion” means to live in wholeness.
That is something we all desire, right? To feel whole and complete.
I was raised by my loving adoptive parents but I found my birth mother when I was 29 years old. (And my birth father and a total of 11 brothers and sisters!) Over the past 18 years, we have formed a very special bond. It is so unique, it is hard to put into words.
She’s not my Mom. I had one and she (Joan) is who passed away last year.
But she (Kathy) is one of my mothers. My first mother. My original mother. My birth mother. The one who gave me life!
And every time I spend time with her, I feel like I am calling back lost parts of myself. What the shamanic tradition might describe as “soul retrieval” or a therapist would refer to as “parts psychology.”
When we are together,
- She tells me stories about her childhood, which is my family history.
- She shares funny memories of her high school years, which reminds me that I inherited my musical talent from her. (I played piano for 12 years when I was young.)
- She opens up about her health struggles, which is now part of my medical history.
- When she laughs or smiles, I see myself reflected in a mirror and I feel validated in my skin. (Hard to do when you grow up with people you don’t look anything like).
This craving and this desire to return to wholeness is part of the human experience. I believe that we are all born whole and that when we die we return to wholeness. I believe it is in living that we lose parts of ourselves along the way and then spend much of our lifetime reclaiming those lost parts.
There are a lot of different ways that we lose parts of our selves. For me, my biggest separation occurred at birth when I was placed for adoption. But for others, it could come from an illness, divorce, death, or some other life event that leaves us feeling wounded or broken. And it can also come from less traumatic but still significant events like moving, the end of a relationship or growing up in a dysfunctional family.
I believe that an integral part of achieving good self care and steady life/work balance comes from integrating all aspects of our selves. Not just focusing on one role as a career woman, mother, daughter, wife, or friend, but learning how to integrate all of them.
So what parts of your soul have been missing? What aspects of you are longing to be reclaimed?
Who do you love spending time with that helps you feel whole and complete? Your beloved grandmother, a distant cousin, a soul-sister friend that you met at a conference, your best friend from childhood? Or maybe it’s your dog! (or cat)…
What did you love doing when you were a kid? Listening to music, creating art, building forts in the woods out of logs and sticks, reading mysteries for hours on end…
Did you have any hobbies that you have since forgotten about? Jewelry-making, coin collecting, gardening, photography…
Did you have any talents that were put aside when you became an adult? Perhaps you’re a talented musician or can build beautiful furniture or you love to design stained glass…
Is there anything you feel drawn to learn more about your family history? Your grandfather’s experiences as a soldier, your cousin’s political activism, the story of your ancestors who immigrated from another country?
Consider these questions and others and remember that for each small action you take toward “reunion”, you are one step closer to living a more whole and complete life!
Here’s to reunions!
Elizabeth