You’ve probably heard the saying “When the student is ready, the teacher appears.”
Apparently, I wasn’t truly ready to be a real student until the age of 41. That’s how old I was when Eric and I adopted our beautiful daughter.
In my first four decades, I had a lot of big life experiences. I was adopted, raised by loving but alcoholic parents, my dad died soon after I finished graduate school, I married and divorced and then remarried. I moved multiple times, had a variety of jobs and ultimately started my own business. I also reunited with my biological family during that time which was undoubtedly THE biggest life event UNTIL I became a mom.
While I learned a lot about myself and about the world, none of those experiences have helped me to grow and expand as much as becoming a parent. I have learned more in the past 11 years from our sweet Riley Roo than I have in the previous 41 years.
If you’ve been following our family journey for a while, you know that Riley is a tiptoe walker. She has been since she started walking at 11 months old. We have exhausted every avenue to help her return to a normal gait…physical therapy, occupational therapy, consulting with a neurological chiropractor, brain exercises, serial casting, you name it. After years of frustration, on all three of our parts, we ended up at Duke Children’s Hospital Health Center and last month, Riley had Achilles’ tendon lengthening (ATL) surgery. The surgeon made small cuts on the tendons on the back of each ankle with the goal of stretching the tendons to allow her to walk flatfooted on her heels.
So now, she is double casted for six weeks. At first, it was very painful, as you might expect. But within days she no longer needed the walker. Within a week, she no longer needed pain medication. And within two weeks, she no longer needed to use a wheelchair for long distances. Now, five weeks in, she is running, dancing, and playing just like any normal kid.
Resilience is the word that keeps coming to mind. We develop resilience by experiencing difficulties and challenges. When we encounter adversity, we develop our emotional strength and capacity to face the difficult part of being human. Riley has developed incredible resilience over the years as we have tackled this tiptoeing problem together as a family.
But how she has approached this surgery and the subsequent recovery is nothing short of remarkable. She has shown courage, developed resilience and she’s really blossoming as a result. Here are some highlights of things I’ve learned from watching her:
- Approach the unknown with curiosity. Once we made the decision to move ahead with the surgery, she got excited and asked a lot of questions. What will the casts look like? Can I pick the color? How long will I be in surgery? Tell me all about what’s going to happen? Will I be able to do normal things even though I have double casts? How big will my scars be? What happens after the casts come off? She’s naturally curious and asking these questions helped her to become informed so that she could mentally and emotionally prepare for her surgery.
- Willingly ask for and receive help. Riley had no qualms or reservations about enlisting her classmates to support her. Weeks before surgery, she had already lined up “buddies” to help push her wheelchair, carry her books, and help her get around in the classroom. She was enthusiastic when the school wanted to meet with us and make a plan. She willingly received all help they provided.
- Minimize complaints. Other than a few painful days (and anyone who has had surgery knows you will encounter some real discomfort!) Riley has not complained. She can’t wear cute shoes. Her exposed toes are cold and dirty all the time. The clunky cast boots that she has to wear on her feet are ugly. She must bathe sideways in the tub with her legs dangling over the edge. But she’s taking it all in stride because she knows it’s temporary.
- See the big picture. She is so excited about the possibilities of walking normally; she understands that she must endure this uncomfortable healing and transition to achieve her goals. Since we are moving again this summer, she has commented to me multiple times “Mom, when I get to Asheville, none of the kids will ever know that I was a tiptoe walker.” It has been such a big part of her identity and she is ready to shed that and walk confidently (and solidly on her heels!) forward into her new world.
If you have children in your life, no doubt you have learned important lessons from them as well. I’d love to hear about it, leave a comment, and let me know your stories.
And of course, if you’re ready to work on flexing your own resilience muscles, enlisting the help of a coach is a great next step! Reach out.
Elizabeth
P.S. If you want to work with the spirit of dragonfly which represents resilience, be sure to check out the bracelets in the Sacred Celebration store…. carnelian helps bolster courage, rose quartz helps us experience more self-love, and hematite is excellent for grounding. New designs coming soon, too!