The holidays can be such a festive time of year! Holiday parties, family gatherings and vacation days from work, help make the season bright. It’s a time for love and laughter, families coming together, people talking about things that really matter.
But it’s also a time of year that is really stressful for a lot of people. There are concerts and parties to attend, gifts to buy, travel arrangements to be made and it can be quite exhausting. There is a tendency to overschedule and say “yes” to every invitation which can leave you exhausted, worn out and feeling “bah humbug!”
And then there are people who are grieving and for whom the holidays can be downright miserable. While everyone else is fa-la-la-la-la-ing, they are doing their best to simply get through each day. Whether it’s grieving the death of a loved one, battling cancer (or helping a loved one to do it) reeling from a divorce, recovering from the shock over the loss of a job, managing a family health crisis or something else, it can be hard to put on a happy face when you feel blue.
While I usually love the holidays, I’m feeling more melancholy this year. I took my daughter shopping for her Christmas dress this past weekend and almost burst out in tears in the dressing room at Dillard’s because I could hear my mom’s voice in my head saying “No, not that one… oh, yes, that one is PERFECT!” It was an annual tradition we used to do – Grandma, Mom and Riley going holiday shopping and having lunch together and now she’s gone. But I knew that Riley and I needed to carry on the tradition in honor of her. (Mom loved to shop and she always bought Riley her special occasion dresses!)
But there are other things I’m not doing this year because I just don’t feel like it. (And friends assure me that’s OK!) We usually host an annual holiday party and I just can’t do it this year. We are cutting way back on the gift exchanges that we do with family. We’re not putting up a Christmas tree (although I am decorating the house).
Practicing smart self care is critical during the holidays! No matter if you are happy, sad like me or ambivalent about this time of year, you’ll be better off if you build some extra time and space (like I’m doing) to digest the hustle and bustle of the season.
One strategy to help you is to set simple goals and make a game plan for the holidays. The more intentional you are, the more likely you are to enjoy the season. Here are a few tips to help you navigate the season with a little zest in your pumpkin pie instead of serving up a side order of Grinch!
1. What can you cross off of your list right now? For example, if you hate writing holiday greetings and mailing out tons of cards, make up your mind to not do it this year. Just this once. Don’t send any at all! If this is a tradition you’ve done for years, it may feel a bit shocking to consider this option. But once you settle into it and realize all the extra time you’ll have, you may just feel a sense of freedom!
Inspired solution: Remember, you can cross something off the list this year just to try it on for size. If it doesn’t feel right or you simply needed a break from a well-loved tradition, you can always add it back in next year.
2. What can you plan ahead for? Is it really that you don’t enjoy shopping or is it that you don’t enjoy being among the last-minute masses at the mall the last few days before Christmas and end up buying stuff just for stuff’s sake and spending way too much money?
Inspired solution: Pull out your calendar and create a plan.
- Make a list of who to shop for.
- Write in time to go shopping.
- Create a budget (and stick to it!)
- Take your list with you and cross each item off the list as you find the perfect gifts for your loved ones!
3. What can you change? Let’s say you host New Year’s Eve every year for your family and you get frustrated because you get stuck in the kitchen with the bulk of the preparation, cooking and cleaning. No wonder you dread it!
Inspired solution: Talk to your family now. “You know _______ (honey, kids, parents, siblings), I’ve been thinking about our New Year’s plans and want to have a discussion with you about it. Let’s talk about what we like about our tradition and what, if anything, we might want to change.” If you open up some honest conversation, you may find that others are ready for something new. You may find that another family member wants to host at their house or someone else suggests “What if all go out this year?” (They may secretly not want to come to your house every year but haven’t figured out a polite way to tell you – this gives them a chance!)
The key to really enjoying the holidays is to set priorities and to be honest with yourself about what delights you and what you dread. Honor the sacred time and space of the season and be sure to build self care into the plan. During a hectic time of year, it’s amazing what a walk in the woods or a yoga class can do to restore your soul.
How will you shift from tired to inspired this holiday season? Hit reply and let me know!
Here’s to a peaceful and joyful December for all of us…
Elizabeth